Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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