I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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