Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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