She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
