Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
