I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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