I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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