I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
