I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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