The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
