i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
