Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
