You're my little dorito
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
