go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
