I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
