does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
