He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
