I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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