Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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