dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
