Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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