My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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