Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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