so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
