I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
