...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
