She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize