my mouth tastes like poor choices
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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