you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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