I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Your penis caused this!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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