So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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