Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
