Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
