You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
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Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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