i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
