The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
