a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
