Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
