I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
