And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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