I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize