You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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