Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
