Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
