did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize