I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
