I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
