Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
