Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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