lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
