There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
