We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
