What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
