why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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