Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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