My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
