Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
