I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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