Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
