you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
