i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize