She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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