You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
