508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
