no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
