Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
