Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize