i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
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