pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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