I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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