she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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