I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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