y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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