In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
