We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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