i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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