I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
