Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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