Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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