I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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