So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
