I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
In America we eat man semen.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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